Tuesday July 3, 2001
CHICAGO, Illinois- While sailing Saturday, June 30, 2001, Team Decoy unwittingly (very unwittingly, mind you) boldly discovered and captured a new species of creature particularly unique to the sport of sail racing.
Similar creatures had been reported to be observed on other race boats in Area III. However, none such as this remarkable find have ever been captured live.
The discovery was also the first of its kind because of the enormous size of the creature. At one point, its tentacles had extended to more than seventy-five feet.
The specimen was exterminated onboard the sailing vessel Decoy. Vicious and highly aggressive, the Decoy crew's race standings were jeopardized by the creature. "We did what we had to do," said one of the brave crew. "It may have been a bad day for science, but it was even worse for trying to win a race!" he further exclaimed. "Thankfully, there was no bloodshed or boat damage."
The quick-acting crew onboard Decoy was able to share their discovery meaningfully with the scientific community.
"Visually-recorded observations by the crew allowed us to classify and study the creature within the scientific community," said Dr. Unger, Chairman of the Zoology Department at University of Chicago, and a specialist in analyzing newly-discovered life forms. "Although we could not examine the actual organism, the video footage reveals a unique creature with strange characteristics worthy of further extensive research."
The organism was classified as the first of its kind to be officially recognized within the new evolutionary branch known as "hubbabub". Naming proposals are being submitted to the International Committee on Naming New Sail Racing Anomalies. Currently the organism is referred to as "hubbabub colossus", which is likely to become official after final voting by the committee.
Characteristics of hubbabub colossus include extremely rapid growth and maturation, often fully grown in fractions of a second after birth.
Race standings are the most common prey to fall victim to the hubbabub. Boats, rigging and equipment are also devoured when the hubbabub cannot be satisfied or halted by other means.
Humans are often victims, suffering mostly minor injuries. Occasionally more severe bodily harm may occur, but the hubbabub is believed to attack humans in self-defensive and not for food.
Hubbabub colossus was observed by Decoy during a mark rounding during the sail race.
Decoy persevered in subduing the creature. Although surviving the incident and completing the race, position in the race course was sacrificed. Decoy finished "dead f#cking last", or D.F.L.
One Decoy crewmember questioned the D.F.L. assessment, accurately observing that one other boat in Decoy's section started the race, but did not finish, thus earning a "did not finish", or DNF, thereby allowing Decoy to rise above the dreaded position and true D.F.L. shame.
The hubbabub "thrashed furiously," commented one observer, "and extended tentacles to try to snare the rounding mark. The hubbabub really slowed us down to a crawl. We were almost stopped, and lucky to escape from the mark at all."
"It is not known whether this behavior is related to feeding, breeding, or some other activity," said Unger, "we would like to study it further."
The crew of Decoy may have a different opinion, however. Everyone agreed, "While we were glad to help advance the cause of science, we are more interested in winning races!"
©2001 Kurt Fujio.
Link to article:
http;//www.stargate-usa.com/kurtfujio/sailing-hubbabub.html
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